All The Bergs Are The Same

A Chinese man walks into a bar in America late one night and he sees Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese man gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese man, replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."


This is one of my joke which i like..
Its all d drunken man makes a lot of jokes in the bar.

Conversation between George Bush and Condoleeza Rice

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China .

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China .

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you.
Who is the new leader of China ?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China .

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China .

Condi: Hu.

George: The main man in China !

Condi: Hu is leading China .

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China .

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China ?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you, or will you not, tell me
the name of the new leader of China ?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China ?
I thought he's dead in the Middle East .

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China ?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China ?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look Condi. I need to know
the name of the new leader of China .
Get me the Secretary General of
the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it,
I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China .

George: Will you stay out of China ?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East !
Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

Indians should read this......................

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.

He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof: So you believe in God?

Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?

Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?

Student: Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?

(Student is silent.)

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?

Student: No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?

Student: From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?

(Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?

Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?

(Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever

seen God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your

God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?

Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes.

Student: No sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even

more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?


Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if
you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make
darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.

Now tell me, Professor.Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain,sir.

With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student: That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.



NB: I believe you have enjoyed the conversation...and if so...you'll probably want your friends/colleagues to enjoy the same...won't you?....
this is a true story, and the student was none other than.........APJ Abdul Kalam, the present president of India.

The latest on Sardarjis....

BEPPO SINGH QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE.

Friend: What are you looking at?

Beppo Singh: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.

Friend: All right, what is my PIN no? if you saw it.

Beppo Singh: four asterisks!

-=-=-=-=-=-

BEPPO SINGH WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL.

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?

Beppo Singh: 9

Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?

Beppo Singh: Are you trying to fool me, you've

just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

BEPPO SINGH'S MOTHER DIED.

Beppo Singh: (crying) the doctor called, my

mother is dead.

Friend: condolence, my friend.

After 2 minutes Beppo Singh cries even louder

Friend: what now?

Beppo Singh: my sister just called, her mother died too!

-=-=-=-=-=-

BEPPO SINGH NEEDS VITAMINS FOR GRANDSON.

Beppo Singh: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.

Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?

Beppo Singh: Any will do, my grandson doesn't

Know the alphabet yet!!

=-=-=-=-=-

BEPPO SINGH STUCK ON THE ELEVATOR.

Lotta Singh: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs,

because of a power failure.

Beppo Singh: That's all right, me too...I got stuck on the escalator

for 3 hrs.

=-=-=-=-=-

Jasmeet Kaur watched her husband Santa Singh

searching high and low, all over the living room. She asked him: "What are

you so frantically searching?" Santa: "Hidden cameras!"

Jasmeet: "And what makes you think there are hidden cameras here?"

Santa:"Or else, every few minutes, how is that guy on television

saying...'You are watching the Star World channel'?

"How can he know what I am watching?"

=================================================================

One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the

thirteenth floor of a building when a man came running in to his

office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter Preeto just died in an

accident" Sardarji was in panic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office

window while coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he

didn't have a daughter named preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he

remembered he was not married. When he was about to hit the ground he

remembered his name is not Santa Singh.